


Death

by Shellsan



Series: 30 Day Writing Challenge May 2019 [26]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Can be read as either friendship or pre-slash, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Magic, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Thor (2011), Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 17:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19137445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shellsan/pseuds/Shellsan
Summary: Tony knew, unlike the others, what it meant to wish for death.OrReasons why Loki and Tony would get along if Marvel gave them the chance.Written for Day 26: Death





	Death

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay. So when I saw the prompt, this was the first thing to jump into my mind, and I'm so happy with how it turned out? I urge you all to heed the tags, since when i say this is angst heavy, I mean it. The suicide mentions are very blatant as well. Remember to take care of your health first and foremost.
> 
> That being said, if none of this bothers you, and you're ready for some angst with a hopeful ending, please continue reading, and let me know your thoughts!

**30 Day Writing Challenge**

**Day Twenty-Six:** Death

 **Fandom:** Marvel Cinematic Universe

 **Pairing:** FrostIron

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own MCU

**Death**

**-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-**

When Thor had turned up with his little brother in tow, proclaiming that the All-father had sentenced him to help serve those he'd harmed, and explained that the light sentence was due to Loki being tortured into doing what he'd done, Tony could not claim to be surprised.

He'd had his concerns and his theories throughout the entire ordeal (seriously, what kind of idiot used the top of his building?) and when he'd watched over all the footage they had on him afterwards, (the injuries, the way he came through the portal, it all screamed reminders at him of cold dark caves, and dusty surfaces – no don't go there) he had been all but positive that he was correct.

The proclamation from Thor? Well, that was really just the proverbial nail in the coffin.

More importantly, however, when Thor arrived, he also brought with him warnings of the mad titan, who had set his eyes on Midgard because of the 'infinity stones' they now housed.

When the words had left the gods lips, he's caught guilty looks from the other avengers. It had been almost four months since New York was decimated and that entire time he'd advocated for them to do _something_ , to _prepare_. He'd seen what was through the portal and he knew that this wasn't the end of it.

And none of them had listened, heads too far up their asses to give a shit about what might be coming.

Well joke was on them, because he enjoyed ignoring their looks, and he further enjoyed refusing to take their apologies for the time being. He didn't want to hear it.

But he digressed.

He wasn't surprised by the pardon Loki received, but he also hadn't accounted for having the god in his tower.

But he was nothing if not adaptable, so he'd done what he could to make the god comfortable, before leaving them to their devices and heading down to the workshop, chest tight, breathing shallow, and the soothing words of Jarvis in his ear, reciting information to him until the word wasn't covered in black spots.

Only to send himself into another panic attack when he thought once more about what was to come, and spend another thirty minutes calming himself down, until the shakes were barely noticeable, and he no longer felt like he was dying.

Except he was a liar. Death would be much less painful than this.

But all of this brought him to his current moment standing on the roof, looking out blankly at the horizon, aware of how easy it was to fall (and he remembered falling too, so very well), but no more scared then he had been last time.

Because what was one more time after how often he experienced it in his dreams?

His hand clutched the glass of scotch loosely. It was only his second, and it was all he intended to have. But the burn on the way down his throat was worth it.

“You're in my spot.”

The sudden second voice on the roof made Tony jump slightly, before he turned to look over his shoulder at Loki standing there, blank faced.

“I think you'll find, Bambi, that this entire _tower,_ is my spot. So you're just going to have to deal.” He retorted, making the conscious effort to turn back and return to his staring.

There was a hum in response, before he heard he god step closer, coming to a stop beside Tony, staring out much like he had been doing before.

It was silent between them for a moment, before the god's voice broke it once more.

“Have you ever wanted to die?”

Tony snorted. “More times then I can count.” He admitted, the words more truthful, and more vulnerable then anything he'd said to anyone other than Rhodey (where the dead of the night and cloaked the two of them, Rhodey's warm, strong body holding him close, soothing voice rolling over him as he trembled, breathing uneven, the urge _so close,_ because Jarvis had been _so far)._

Loki looked over at his curiously, Tony could feel his gaze, but didn't respond other than to make a sound of agreement – and well, of course Loki had wanted to as well. It was just another thing about this god that didn't surprise him in the slightest.

“Have you ever tried?” Tony asked, the first one to break the silence, pushing the memory of the blackness of the stars as far away as possible, as he waited to see what Loki would say.

“Once. It takes a lot to kill a god. Clearly, more than even I knew.” The words weren't even condescending, more regretful then anything – and god, Tony could relate to that as well.

“Instead of dying, I found myself living out pain worse than any nightmare.”

And that was some context that explained a lot, but Tony also knew better than to make a bit deal of it, only making a noise of agreement.

“I might not be able to free myself, but I'm more than capable to freeing someone else.” Loki stated finally.

It wasn't a question, but an offer. An offer to free himself from the nightmares that plagued his dreams, and were likely to come true. An offer to stop the pain once and for all. Because to them, death truly would have been freedom.

But as much as it pained him, he shook his head, and god he was so fucked up, because even denying himself this was so much effort.

“I appreciate the offer.” Tony said finally, when he was sure that his voice was steady enough (neither acknowledging the shaky breaths that he was taking), “But I can't do that. I'm a futurist, you see. And more important than even my own life, is the future of every one else. If me being alive saves even one life in the upcoming battles, then it was all worth it.”

The curious gaze was back, not judging, so much as searching.

“You are not what they make you out to be, Stark.”

“I'm not sure whether or not you mean for that to be a compliment.” Tony admitted wryly.

Loki didn't respond, and they returned to their city watching once more, Tony swallowing the last of his drink, ignoring the craving for more.

“How about a proposition, then?” Loki started finally.

Tony raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.

“If freedom is not something you can allow yourself, and it is not something that I can give myself either, then perhaps it would help if we were to hand our lives to each other. I will accept death no sooner then you allow it, and you will no accept death until I allow it. Equivalent exchange.”

The idea had it's merits, and there was something soothing in realising that it would no longer be his decision to make, his decision to carry.

And Loki's life was so much lighter to carry than his own.

“Deal.”

There was a smirk on Loki's face. “I do hope you don't regret making a deal with the devil. Our oaths will be bound by magic, you see. If you are going to take it back, do so now.” He warned.

Tony smirked back. “You are no devil, Loki, and even if you were, it wouldn't change anything. Just say the words.”

“I need only your full name to complete this.”

That startled a laugh out of Tony, and Loki seemed more pleased then out of sorts by that. Following his instincts, Tony looked Loki dead in the eyes.

“I, Anthony Edward Stark, pledge my life to your hands Loki God of Mischief and Chaos, to take when you wish, in exchange, I ask only that you pledge your life to me in that same manner.” He intoned, all dramatic.

Loki's eyes glittered, and it was the lightest moment of the night as Loki spoke, voice like velvet at it flowed over Tony.

“I, Loki, God of Mischief and Chaos, do accept your bargain, and pledge my life in your hands in exchange for the same rights over your own life.”

Magic fizzled in the air, green sparkles floating at the magic made it known.

Then the moment passed, and it was silent once more, between them, and calmer then either ever imagined things to be.

  
  


(Over the next couple months they would test the limits of their bond. They would spend night together screaming about the injustices that they faced, understanding between them as neither allowed the other to give up on their existence, forcing themselves to keep moving forwards.

It will be even longer after than before they realise the _other_ effects, their recklessly made bond had caused. But those are yet another story.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come shout ideas, thoughts, and prompts at me over at shellsan.tumblr.com!


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